Duck Dynasty Guy, American Hero

So with the recent controversy surrounding Phil Robertson (the Duck Dynasty Patriarch) I thought it was a good time to really point out how awesome he is. After his recent comments (condemning gay people as sinners) and video from 3 years ago ( calling gay people "ruthless," "full of murder," "arrogant" and "liable to invent ways of doing evil" and god-haters); I can't think of a better role-model for families or a better example of the Christian family values message. 

Well, to our luck, not only did he say those fantastic things that strongly reflect the teachings of Jesus, he also happens to be an alcoholic who threw his family out when they tried to get him to sober up. Pretty much following the message straight out of Jesus’ sermon on the Mound. 

One of the best things about this devout Christian, is that he also has a criminal record. Apparently, one night he was so full of the Lord (read: booze) he beat up a man and woman who owned a bar he rented, and put them in the hospital. Just like the good Christian he is, he then confessed his crimes, asked for forgiveness and served his punishment. Except he actually evaded his warrant, skipped town and lived in the woods while engaging in all sorts of other criminal activity. Thankfully though, his 15 year old wife (he was an adult) was able to keep the owners of the bar from moving forward with felony battery charges and just kept a restraining order. Yay Jesus! 

I'm so happy that there is now the personification of a good Christian man espousing his beliefs and representing us all so well in the public eye. I certainly rushed to defend everything about him and his wonderful family. I mean a man who equates two people loving each other with sex with animals and "hating god" can't be all that bad. He does have a reality show after all, he must be a great guy. Plus how can you not trust a guy with a beard? 

But in all seriousness, I know that whenever I need reassurance in my faith, there is a true Christian man who turned his life around and made a fortune on selling kazoos that fool ducks into being shot by grown men, on television every week to steer me in the right direction. With all the public information about him, there could certainly be no reason to ever question his faith. 




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