Attention Surplus Disorder: The Annoying Killer

A few thoughts on daytime television. Actually just the commercials, which are only slightly more watchable than daytime programming.

My "main job" allows me a good amount of time off that I use building furniture, inventing useless stuff, or doing one of my other two jobs. Sometimes I have the TV on while I work, and because I have some kind of attention surplus disorder with a sprinkling of hypervigilance, I notice and am bugged by stuff that wouldn't bother a normal person.

First of all, most commercials that air in the daytime are for ways to get money as part of a class action lawsuit.  You've probably seen them - "If you have ever taken Provistapentin as treatment for headaches, priapism, heart murmur, trenchfoot, or stuttering, you may be entitled to a cash settlement blahblahblah."

"Entitled" is not a word that should exist.  Nor should "fair."

 Or "If you are receiving payments as part of a settlement, we can pay you one lump sum which is substantially smaller than your original payout, but it's all at one time and we know you are dumb enough to do it because you were probably raised on a steady diet of instant gratification."  It gets depressing to think that we live in a society that may stop just short of encouraging people to cheat the sysem, but certainly doesn't spend enough time shaming people who spend their lives trying to find ways not to work.

I say this as a guy who has a job that required him to work a total of nine days last month...so maybe I'm lazy, but I worked my way here. So put that in your hypocritical pipe and tell others not to smoke it. Or something.

The moocher commercials are my number one complaint. The little stuff bugs me, too. For instance, there is a commercial that opens with a shot of a clearly insane person standing on a rock about the size of a 4-slice toaster about 9,000 feet in the air. I can tell she is insane because she is wearing carabiners and holding a rope. Those are the things they give you at the asylum when they release you, from what I can tell.

Anyway, the first line of the commercial is "WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT HERE?" and I found myself saying out loud (I rarely talk to my television unless I think it really needs to know something) "Yes, I'd very much like to know how you got there so I can constantly remind myself never to do whatever it is that ends with me standing atop Killface Peak with a stupid grin on my face. I will start by not grinning."  I also threw away every rope in the house.

Another one I saw was a cereal commercial. Not going to say which cereal it was, but it rhymes with Tcheerios. It aired as I was eating my breakfast, which was a three-egg omelet because I am a grown man. It shows six fully matured adult human beings of a racial makeup that would never occur in nature sitting at a table ordering breakfast.  The waitress (yes, I call them waitresses and waiters, not servers. The change to "server" as a somehow less demeaning term for their occupation is absurd to me) comes over with their order, which as you might expect for six hip young professionals, was six bowls of cereal.

A few questions - 

1) When do six adults go to breakfast together?

2) When do six people at the same table order the same thing?

3) Has anyone in history ever ordered cereal at a restaurant?

4) What did these idiots have for lunch?  Dino-bites and a juice box, followed by a nap on a towel?

Wow.  as I was writing this, I just found out that I can get a loan of up to $1,000 today for just my signature.  and at just 600% interest, I can barely afford not to. Poverty is a mindset.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Dusty Scott March 05, 2012 at 09:06 PM
Nathan Abbott March 05, 2012 at 11:48 PM
UNWANTED ANIMALS? I WILL EAT THEM FOR YOU! Tired of unwanted animals taking up space? Simply cook them & notify me... and... I will drive to your house & EAT THEM FOR YOU! This service provided FREE of charge. ACT NOW! I'm effing hungry.
Susie March 27, 2012 at 02:30 PM
Dusty--What happened to your blog? It's an error screen now...
Alan April 14, 2012 at 08:27 PM
Hey Dusty, I miss reading your blog too....Before my son was born I would read through old posts when I was bored or needed an out loud laugh. Is there a secret server/archive where can I refer P.T. virgins who need to experience the album covers?
J in EAV May 25, 2012 at 06:00 AM
Leave the tv on. Get away from the keyboard.


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