Community Corner

Confessions Of A Playgroup Hater

Guest Moms Talk writer, Suzanne Fleet, feels playgroup needs an overhaul.

Editor's note: Jessica Hollomon, our regular Moms Talk columnist, is on holiday this week. Our guest columnist is Suzanne Fleet, an East Atlanta Village mom.

I confess.

It was me.

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A few weeks ago (June 22), Moms Talk columnist Jessica Hollomon wrote an article entitled “We All Need Somebody To Lean On” that concluded with the following sentence: “...having kids has driven me to playgroups where friendships were forged over hating playgroup.”

At the risk of being kicked out of the EAV, I’m outing myself. I hated playgroup.  I went because I was searching for something. But playgroup was not it.

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It was lame-o. It was boring. It didn’t make me feel better about my child-centered life. It made me feel worse.

Listening to conversations about making yogurt from scratch because there’s too much sugar in the stuff I buy at the grocery store was not comforting to me.

All the extraordinary details of VBACs (look it up) did not in any way give me the non-child-centered input I was craving.

But don’t we just hate people who complain about things and then don’t offer any solutions? That’s not me. Not today, anyway.

So here I offer three solid, concrete, practical ways to make playgroup more palatable. Delicious even.

Let’s begin with the crux of the problem -- thinking that playgroup is about the kids. Playgroup should be not about the kids, it should be about the parents.

Here’s why:

Your little kid is probably just as happy sitting on the floor of your kitchen mouthing a wooden spatula as he or she is at playgroup.

You, on the other hand, might find yourself mouthing a wooden spatula on the floor of your kitchen if you don’t get out of that house and find someone to talk to who can say more than googoo gaga.

Being home all day with a little kid is isolating. It can be brain-melting, frustrating, relentless, and thankless. And here’s the worst part. Eight-five percent of the population (completely unscientific, by the way) thinks you’re sitting around eating bonbons and watching reruns of “Desperate Housewives” all day long.

You need to be with people who truly understand the extraordinary challenges of stay-at-home mommyhood.

Now, I ask you: who should playgroup be about?

It should be about me.  Oh, and you too.

So now that we’ve established that, here are my (humble) suggestions for improvement:

  • First, move playgroup to the afternoon, for the sole reason of implementing suggestion No. 2: Most of the playgroups I went to were in the morning. Even I can’t justify drinking at 10am. Unless it’s the weekend.
  • Add vodka. Mix well. (Or wine. Or beer. I’m not picky.) Think about it. Playgroup will suddenly be much more relaxing. A small glass of white wine and suddenly you’re not puzzling over that persistent diaper rash anymore.  You’re laughing and bonding with new friends all around the room.
  • Ban the baby talk. We do, indeed, occasionally need to share information and ideas with other moms who’ve been there/done that. My complaint is not that there is talk about our kids.  My complaint is that there is talk about nothing else. My kid is the whirling dervish at the center of my entire life. He singularly takes up almost all of my time and energy. When I have other moms around to talk to, I really, really, really want to talk about something else. ANYTHING. Have you seen a good movie? (Not in the theater, I know you don’t have time to go to a theater.  Maybe you Netflixed one after the kids were in bed one night. It doesn’t even have to be a recent release! Tell me about it.) What bands/music do you like? (Again, I know you don’t have time to listen to a lot of new music. Tell me about old music you like! Or even just complain to me that you used to love live music and now you have no idea who any of these new bands are.) What about books? (No, not baby books.) Shoes, news, gardening, dieting, jobs and hobbies, old and new. Complaints about your spouse.  Hell, I’ll even take politics or weather -- generally my least favorite things to talk about.  Just talk to me about something other than parenting.

That’s it, really.  Three simple suggestions to make playgroup better for the people who need it the most.

Don’t get me wrong.  Just because I didn’t like playgroup doesn’t mean I didn’t find what I was looking for there (and then take it away to some other place). I made friends in playgroup.  I’m thankful for that. I also met other moms I still see all over the hood. I’m really grateful for the sense of community that gives me.

So I admit it. Playgroup can be a good thing.  I just think it could be an even better thing. And if you were in a playgroup with me, just know that it’s not you I’m talking about, of course. YOU were awesome and interesting.

Stop over for a play-date anytime. Bring the wine.

You can read more of Ms. Fleet's hyper-opinionated rants and delightfully wine-soaked ideas at www.toulouseandtonic.com.


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